Class of Nuke ’em High
Originally reviewed 3rd July 2015
–++– Class of Nuk’em High –++– by Kevin
When a film starts with a geeky student accidentally drinking toxic nuclear waste and then going on to melt before leaping to his death through a window you know you are watching a special kind of film. Welcome to Tromaville where the High School is right next door to a nuclear power plant. Be amazed as the plant is left to operate in a haphazard fashion in order to save money. Marvel at what happens when some of the students are exposed… to toxic waste. Prepare for all sorts of weirdness to happen.
Following on the death of the student melting, which is put down to too many microwave ovens, Chrissy and Warren two preppy teen types are forced to smoke some toxic weed, end up having have sex and then go all mutant for a while. As a result of inhaling the chemically contaminated cannabis Chrissy ends up dropping a deuce at school that turns out to be a mutant turd whilst Warren (a man who puts on more clothes to sleep than he does to party), following a dream where he has the world’s largest boner, turns into an acid monster and goes on a small killing spree. Fortunately the next day they are all OK and no one seems to notice, where you are sat wondering what the hell has just happened.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMGCPRJNKUg
Eventually (and in no way through any sort of logical narrative) this all leads to an epically ludicrous finally. This involves a face of with:
* The Cretins; a gang of former geeks who would now blend in to any post-apocalyptic landscape.
* The Toxic Turd which was expelled from Chrissy’s body and now returned as a full sized killer monster.
* The dangerous, yet poorly animated laser, which is held in the school lab predictably accompanied by (in what has to be one of the biggest breaches of health and safety possible) a pile of material that that should never come in contact with a laser beam as it will explode and level the school (lucky for us the science teacher points out how dangerous this is takes no action to remedy the situation, not even moving the explosive material to the other end of the class room for example).
As a film it is pointless, the story just bumbles along with no real purpose, the acting is pretty poo, the characters lack any depth and the dialog is awful. Add to this droning non-descript 80s music that is a constant background noise (we believe it never stops, every) and you have what we can only describe as a classic B-movie film. Yes, this film is so bad that it is good and we know that it was made to be this way, after all it is a Troma. Look out for the member of the cretins we named Moobs, Looks a bit like Mike from the young ones, could not afford a post-apocalyptic costume so instead has boobs. Disturbing!
Overall, yes get a pizza, some friends and watch this bad boy
