Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)
Rowdy Roddy stars in one Hell of a film
We’re sure there are many of you out there that own DVD’s or Blu-ray’s that are still in their cellophane. It’s a common thing for people who love movies. You’ve seen a film at the cinema or heard about it and bought it. Then along comes something else ‘shiny’ and you think I must get back and watch this other film at some point.
Time passes, life goes on and you forget and there never seems to be the right moment to catch up. Before you know it, the DVD has been sitting there for 5 years waiting for you to remember it.
And so, it was with Hell comes to Frogtown; a DVD purchased years ago when there was a B movie collection being promoted in the local music store. And who could resist it? There’s Rowdy Roddy Piper (famed wrestler and bubblegum chewer) and frogs wielding sawn off shotguns on the cover. Why we left it so long we will never know.
The plot is standard fayre for our liking and the quick intro tells you everything you need to know in short order. Governments have fucked the world up by arguing and the ensuing nuclear holocaust has made much of the world either mutant frogs or infertile.
Medtech are tasked by the provisional government with the ‘onerous’ task of repopulating the world and when Sam Hell is captured and his medical history checked, they find he is prime grade A beef and full of the ‘juicy goodness’ they need to help them with their plan. He gets strapped into a giant codpiece to protect his frank and beans and then tricked into signing a contract where he must rescue a bunch of virgins before he can impregnate them. The only trouble is, they are part of the harem of a local mutant warlord.
If someone asked you to help them repopulate the world, you’d think it would be a pretty sweet gig. Lots of sex, being pandered to etc. but we’re pretty sure you’d get bored of it very quickly (OK, some of us at least). What happens when you start getting ‘performance issues’? How often are you going to have to perform?
Rowdy Roddy Piper signs up with glee, not even considering these questions and it could be that this is partly due to his steroid infused body as he looks a little chubbier than he did in They Live. He does still bring all his ‘heel’ charm to the role as you would expect and is great to watch as he fights back against his oppressors when he realises what’s going on.
His main antagonist throughout the film though is Spangle (Sandahl Bergman); a female scientist tasked with keeping him ‘primed’ and ready to impregnate at the drop of a hat. The fact that she’s blonde, strips off at the drop of a hat and Sam is clearly interested helps to push him into the mission even though he knows it’s not a good idea to visit Frogtown.
We’re then treated to a further hour of fun with some great quotes like, “I gotta tell you, you are one weird dude” and “Hey, you try making love to a complete stranger in a hostile, mutant environment, see how you like it” along with a decent plot. Yep that’s right, we found a film with a plot that makes sense.
The finale leaves a little to be desired but that can perhaps be lain at the feet of the director. Donald G Jackson is known to us for the abomination that is The Roller Blade Seven and although he doesn’t try out any of his ‘amazing’ zen film direction here, the final fight scene seems a little rushed and not tied directly to the main film. There is a tenuous link involved but we won’t spoil by giving it away.
Our Verdict
We’re not sure how we’ve never seen this. The film isn’t what you would call a traditional Plopcorn film. It had a reasonable budget ($7m) and you can see where this was spent. The frog masks are well-detailed, have animatronic eyes and mouths and look realistic. The fact they are slightly disproportionate to the bodies is neither here nor there as who’s to say the mutations affecting them haven’t caused it. The set are well dressed too.
One of the highlights though was that it has a plot that makes sense. This is in part due to it being written by someone who has experience in the genre. Randall Frakes had some success previously in working on the scripts for Aliens and Escape from New York and you can see from the dialogue and storyline that it knows what it’s about.
Overall it’s a film that you should watch, not because it’s a bad movie trying to be good, but a good movie that you may have missed, one we thoroughly enjoyed.
