Outlaw of GOR
–++– Outlaw of Gor Review: –++– (originally reviewed 13/3/2014)
This film is a sequel to the creatively titled “Gor” and is based on the books written by John Norman. The film tells the tale of Tarl Cabbot who is whisked away from earth to the mystical land of Gor, along with his colleague Watney Smith (imagine if Rick Morranis had a more annoying brother that was an even worse actor than he is). Once in Gor the story really hots-up…. wait, no it doesn’t but that does not matter. We don’t want to give away the plot so fortunately there isn’t really one and there is nothing to tell.
The film has a diverse and wide range of crap characters, including an albino dwarf (Rick Flair’s mini-me) and the obligatory evil queen in very little clothing. The lead character, Cabot, is a vegetarian man of many principles. A man who, whilst there was blood in his veins, would not allow slavery or tyranny to prosper (though to be fair he freed one woman with big norks and left everyone else to burn in a fire… a fire he started… and left on the horse that he stole in clothes that he stole eating an apple that he did not pay for iether.
However, by far the best character is the evil wizard Xenos (he of the peeled banana hat), who is played by Jack Palance. Jack, a well-known and respected actor, had clearly read the script and thought “screw it, I could do with a new patio” before agreeing to be in the film.
The film has a slightly homo-erotic feel to it, far too much leather and lots of ass and thigh shots of the lead character, Cabot, despite the cast being dominated by attractive nubile women. Fight scenes are beyond poor (look out Cabot’s lethal elbows and hammer fists) and the special effects truly are, well special; indeed it is good to know that the props from the original series of Startrek went to a good home (fans of the original Dr Who and Prisoner Cell Block H can also rest easy). Look out for a car park in the background (we look forward to the third instalment “the Car Park of Gore”), the guard with the ill-fitting breast plate that looks like a bra and the large stone that looks like a massive willy. Finally, be prepared to hear the word “Cabot!” repeated about 40 times in a 10 second period.
In Summary, though no Golden Nugget this film is so bad it deserves a watch. With a few friends and the intoxicant of your choice it will have you in tears of laughter. Cabot!
We give it 
Over to you, what do you think?
