Nude Nuns with Big Guns
Originally reviewed – 27 March 2014
–++– Nude Nuns with Big Guns Review: –++– by Kevin Maude
Nude Nuns with Big Guns is like two films. On the one hand it has a Tarantino-esque feel, with some gritty characters and humorous dialogue. On the other hand it’s a bit rapey. Actually make that a lot rapey. In fact ask anyone who has seen this film to describe it to you and it won’t be long before they use the word “rapey”.
Now, we at Plopcorn recognise that rape is not a funny subject but nobody told the production crew of… Nude Nuns with Big Guns this. Nor did they tell the guy that wrote the rapey music, which is played during the scenes of farcical forced entry (imagine the theme from Peter Gun after it has been raped). In fact, this film is always just one heavy bass-line away from violating a nun. Fear not though Plop Pickers, for if quirky bass-lead rape is not your thing the script writer managed to spin the “wheel of random shocking film gimmicks” several times for inspiration. Clacka-clacka-clacka and it’s stopped on… yes, full frontal nudity. You see, the nuns are naked a lot in this film but luckily for us they keep their wimples on, which is just as well because how would we know they were nuns if they didn’t. It would just be naked women with big guns and that would not do at all; although the bitter irony is there are no big guns in this film. Our director is taking no chances either, in case having almost every nun appear naked the film didn’t cover the nudity quota the film also takes place in two strip clubs. Not impresses with all that nudity, then behold the rampant 80s softcore porn-like lesbianism, which completes the holy trinity of tacky “thrills”. Oh wait, I forgot about the 5 second scene of sadomasochism towards the end of the film which included a shot of some fella’s old chap for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON!
The flip side of the film is that the lead villain Chavo is engaging and entertainingly nasty; he knows he is a bad man and he cares not. In fact the villains really steal the show here as the heroine is actually dull and given she is a gun toting lesbian nun that’s quite an achievement . The other notable character is Kick Stand, a walking advert for Viagra and a man always at the ready to take one (well give one) for the team and “nail you harder than they nailed Jesus to the cross”.
Overall, the basic plot premise of epiphany lead revenge would not be out of place on a more mainstream film and there are some nice tongue in cheek elements that let you know the film didn’t take itself too seriously. We really enjoyed the end too, which may have been sponsored by Walls Sausages, though Kick Stands death was disappointingly understated. However, the cheap gimmicks mean this can be a challenging watch in places and is certainly not one for the ladies. It could have been reasonable film too if there was less unnecessary gimmickery and more focus on things like acting, dialogue and special effects.
We give this film 
Nude Nuns with Big Guns on IMDB
Nude Nuns with Big Guns Trailer
