Evil Aliens
Originally Reviewed 3rd May 2016
–+-+– Evil Aliens –+-+– By Kevin
Once in a while there is a film that is so bad it leaves you traumatised. Evil Aliens is that film for us and if you watch it you do so at your own risk!
The plot is pretty standard, some Aliens abduct a woman on a remote Welsh farm and when she returns she is pregnant. A cheap and nasty Alien investigation program decides this is a good story and heads out to the remote farm to do an interview. Queue a Alien loving nerd, dodgy Welsh brothers, a straight-speaking Yorkshireman, a poncey Southerner, a cleavage showing reporter and a load of Aliens intent of dismembering and violating things for no apparent reason. If you are thinking this sounds a little bit basic then you are right.
You see there is a lot to critisies in this film, the stupid plot, the poor acting, the terrible dialog, the shonkey special effects, the list goes on and on. However, the real nail in the coffin is not just a lack of originality but the biggest serving of cliché we may have ever seen.
Take the Alien Loving Nerd for example; I mean the dude has acne and an anorak, he’s called Colin or Nigel and he has never had sex. Then there is the female reporter, her cleavage is on display on a regular basis (but never are the jubblees actually out, which may have at least given you a reason to watch the film, no not even in the sex scene – I mean come on, you’d have to unleash the puppies then surely? Sorry, I digress) , she is just looking to further her career and she is a bitch to other people. Yet, perhaps there is a depth of character to the Welsh farmer brothers? No, in fact imagine the most racist and stereotypical remote welsh farmers you can and you will be close to the gurning, drooling, inbred bumpkins that are portrayed in this film.
Then you have the aliens, the star role of the title. These creatures from another galaxy make no sense, they reminded me of toilet paper: they’re supper strong, yet supper soft and were always going to end up being shite. The also seem to posses the IQ of a toilet role, which for a race of creatures that have mastered interstellar travel is pretty unsettling. Why are they here? What are they after? If you want to understand the answer to questions like that then don’t watch this film because it does nothing at all to try and explain these things, not even a teensy weensy bit. They appear to be there purely to allow the film to have a set of protagonists that can undertake every sort of murder and gore that you may have seen in any other horror film and nothing more. In fact, we’re still feeling confused, and slightly violated.
OK, there are a couple of funny moments, we quite enjoyed the combine harvester chasing aliens to the Wurzels (look them up if you don’t know you they ooh-are) but the problem is that the film has tried to be so many things and has ended up being nothing original or good. It might have been a good parody of the alien/horror genre but instead it is a mass of clichés, poorly delivered, poorly acted sat on a plot that makes no sense.
Overall Rating: Yes, this film is really bad, so bad that if there was one reason to watch it, that would be to see just how bad it is. However, we do not take any responsibility if you decide to watch it, it’s on your head.
– you have been warned
