Captain Kronos: Vampire Slayer
Originally reviewed 25th January 2015
–++– Captain Kronos: Vampire Slayer Review: –++– by Kevin
Captain Kronos: Vampire Slayer (CKVS) is real golden oldie from the vintage year of 1974 created by the legendary Hammer Studios.
From the opening titles we were amused, not because it was what you would call bad, it was just really dated. I suspect that it was a bit out of touch when it was written as, even by the standards of the early 70’s, Kronos is quite the misogynist. Incidentally, it was written by the chap that …wrote the original Avengers series and many episodes of the Professionals – including the episode where the permed one has to put his hand down Pamela Stevens’s blouse to retrieve a live hand grenade – explains a lot really.
Kronos is a former soldier turned vampire slayer and he smokes long cigarettes, has a long sword and… well by the way the Caroline Munro is fawning all after him everything must be long. The film does deviate from traditional vampire films in that:
* The vampires can walk around in the daylight
* The vampires suck “youth” not blood
* The vampires bite the lip not the neck
* The vampires have the ability to resurrect toads (Yes, I said resurrect a toad, you know that old adage:
“If a vampire should bestrode
Close to the grave of a dead toad
Then the vampire life shall give
And suddenly, the toad shall live”
No, us neither.
Oddly, it is Kronos who has a hunchback assistant who was not, as it turns out, called Igor and disappointingly did not speak in a “Yesh Mashter” voice. There are some brilliant bits of mirth that a film because of its age but under it all CKVS is meant to be serious and chilling. here is the surprise, once you get passed the 70s silliness it is actually a good film with quite a decent twist and very enjoyable. In fact, we think it would be ideal for a remake – perhaps we could start a campaign? PS: Did we mention Caroline Munro? Serious 70s tottie – oh noes, we’ve contracted Kronos!
Overall we are scoring this one 
Not really a Plopcorn film but despite being quirky it’s pretty damn good.
